One Hell of a Halloween Eve!
by Punishment Prez
Summary: Ronove needs some fan service dammit, and its going to be with Battler! How is he going to sway the approval of the elder witches for tomorrow. Part one for now. RxBxR
1. Un:

_In which Ronove is under pressure…_

_**Xox**_

There was no other time in his life, rather his existence, which the 27th ranked demon of hell was more pissed off. Every other time he was able to keep his cool, but every time Halloween came around the corner, $#^* like this occurred.

"_Ronove-sama, are the cookies done? I'm tired of tea..."_

"_Yeah! I'm hungry~"_

"_Take your time Ronove-sama; it's not like they're going to disappear…"_

"_**How about**_…" Ronove let his composure slip for a moment, then stopped. In the long run, getting back at Satan is pointless (because that's what she wants), Beelzebub was a retarded fat girl in an anorexic body, and Belphegor wanted him to rest so his masterpiece can burn!

"Okay, until they are done just go away!" _/There, I said it…/ _"If that is what you want…" The three left sadly; their only weakness is rejection.

"Finally!"_**CRASH!**_

"What %^k?~"

Ronove ran out of the double doors to see… a hot $$ mess!

"Oi! It Robnof, meh besh pal! In't it Gaaaap?" _Beatrice: stone drunk: $0.00_

"Dahhh, he luk so cuute tonite! Go bring me another bottle of Iri-h Bailey's… you bitch." _Gaap: equally drunk, $0.00._

"Don't call him that!" _**Battler taking up for Ronove: worthless.**_

The two witches were paying no attention to chastising voice. Neither were they listening to their own. "Duh hunhur ha! Gaap, I geh it now, it's-it's like da word 'gap' with another 'a'! Woww!"

"It's okay Battler-sama; this happens every year especially before Milady loss her power." Ronove gave a small frown. Gaap and Beatrice were still throwing empty brandy bottles at the ground demanding more.

"Well it's not gonna happen while I'm here!" Battler said adamantly. Alrighty then… "Hey, aren't you too young to drink?"

"Heke?"

"You eighteen. I'm not going to demon counseling again; I'll go over the limit of evil doing…" Ronove pit it simply. Battler scratched his empty head. "There's a limit?" he asked. "Oh God, now that's my limit, I'm going to finish up for tomorrow…"

"Wait!" Battler had a rough grip on Ronove's arm. "Don't leave me, with them. They've been sexually harassing me all night. You don't wanna know what's behind Gaap's dress; things are not as they seem…" Battler seriously looked afraid. Ronove knew for a fact he had a damn reason to be, for they were in fact rapists.

"Yeah, come on inside I guess."

"Thank you!" _*snuggle*snuggle*snuggle*snug-_

"Stop hugging me, it's weird…"

"Otay… :3"

"Now you sit in the chair at the table and-"

"I help make COOKIES!?!"

"Now as I was sayin' until your $$ jumped in, you sit, I bakey okay? Comprende?"

"Hmmm, I don't know that last word. It was… Jamaican wasn't it?!"

_/This poor child is in the second trimester…/_. Later on, he will turn into a drunk, retarded baby-like state, if he is unfortunate. *Ding!* A little timer went off near the oven, and the chef neatly pulled the cookie pan out of the rack. They were basically sugar cookies designed like the stereotypical rotted human, a dying angel with its head being ripped off by a demon, and even unicorns!

"Since you are less drunk (and a smaller probability of vomiting on me), you have the first choice Battler." "Yay! I want a unicorn!" He proceeded to gingerly pluck a My Little Pony pink colored one. He began licking the head in detail: and by detail, I mean awkwardly; by awkwardly, I mean obscenely; and by obscenely I mean seductively; and by this time, Ronove was getting hot, and by hot I mean-

"Batt, just eats the goddamn cookie, and let it be! Pinkie Pie _{that's her name}_ did not ask for you to R. Kelly her, Christ!" The teen looked at him with a knowing grin, the valorous way he does when he desires to use his blue truth. "It tastes perfect." _/What is he up to? /_. "Can I tell you a secret, Ronove?"

"That's unwise; I am a demon."

"You remember when I first met you?"

"Oh yeah, I was so cool…" Ronove began to side track on his awesome appearance.

"Iblushedbecauseilike—you! There! No guy has ever liked me before, so I'm nervous."

_{Still not paying attention}_ "And then I was all transparent, and I had Kinzo's ring in my hand and- What the hell did you say?!" Battler stared at the spotless white floor. "Are you telling me, I have a fan boy? And who said I liked you?!" Ronove did a selfish about face and returned to the stove _{like he was busy}_. "I knew you'd say that, so I hacked into your computer…"

"You say WHAT!!!"

"Awww, it was nothing, I just say a few fan shots of myself… Don't deny me please!" He hurried over for a cuddle. "I won't tell a soul." The boy said with open arms. _/What's come over me? What is this feeling in my heart?!/_

_And what happened then? Well, on Rokkenjima they say that the demon's small heart grew three sizes that day. And then - the true meaning of Halloween came through, and the demon found the strength of *twenty-five* demons, plus two!_

"Oh Battler, it's the truth, but I cannot love you; it is forbidden."

"How comes boyfriend?'

"First off, wait don't call me that, secondly, don't you know the curse of Sexy Fan service?"

"No."

"Well you should! Because every time a force breaks apart a popular 'sexy' fan-based relationship, the one which interrupts them… dies!" *Dramatic Music!* "And your partner by consensus, is BattlerxBeatrice!"

_{Not paying attention}_ "Yeah…So when does the make-out scene start?"

"Gah! You're hopeless!" The only way was to convince the two elder witches tomorrow, but Battler was nearing his third trimester, and would prove useless.

Here goes, you enigmatic cliff hanger questions:

_Will the two elder witches approve of these two?_ Wow, obvious.

_What is the hell are Gaap and Beatrice doing in the parlor? _You don't wanna know.

_Will there be a make-out scene?!_ Battler: That's what I wanna know!…

_Why the hell did Ronove make My Little Pony cookies?_Ronove: Hey!


	2. Deux: More Retardation

_~ Hi viewers, I personally had no idea that this story would continue, not to make excuses for the quality (I've read the complaints :3) I had was having a cup too many of some Irish Bailey's (Mmmmmm, creamy). Some of the reviews mixed in with the hangover, and some felt like Tylenol (bad comparison :p). I'll just continue on, even if I only have some gin in my system! (lol jking!)_

_ -It is now 23:30 (11:30 p.m.) _

**"OBJECTION!!!"** "Battler, why are you yelling?" Ronove asked. "I don't quite know..." As evident, the night was going stupendously horrible, as expected. The funny thing about Battler's drunken state is that it came in sudden, retarded bursts, like earlier. Surely by tomorrow, Ronove could think of a plea to why he should not be killed by all of fnf*ct*on.n*t's straight pairing fans. Anyways, it would be easier since the witch Beatrice was in love with either: a) Maria. b) Gaap. Or z) One of the Goats. The problem was the ladies Lambdadelta and Bernkastel.

"Someone could use a manly hug." Battler set down his Civil War cookies{ The 'Thriller' zombies were the Union and the Ponies were the Confederacy}. He slowly, slowly stalked towards the unusually handsome demon cooking at the stove, and began massaging his shoulders sensually. Ronove concentrated harder than ever at the bubbling cider in front of him. _///He's a human, he's underage, he's a male...///_. "You're so stiff," the teen purred. He continued rubbing down the built body, stopping at the center of Ronove's back_. ///Ignore, ignore ignore...///_

"Aha! This is what is giving you back problems! The knot from your apron is tight!" He gave a mischievous smile and loosened the Barbie-esque apron. "Battler, I never had a back problem, and I am stiff because you are invading my space," Ronove attempted to reason. "Sorry Ronove-san, I don't have a MySpace account, however, I hacked into your personal laptop and discovered your account on Interactive Demon Male."///_Oh shit I've been discovered!!!///_

"I like you better when you're playing with the cookies."

Battler had to stand on the tips of his toes to whisper into the demon's ears. "You can play with my...cookies." He returned to normal height, embracing the older man securely at his midsection, hands folded above the belt. "You already played with the cookies on my laptop!" The demon spat begrudgingly. "Can't you feel my true love?" Battler asked seriously. "True, your love is sticking into my hip!" Battler pulled out a blue oversized Crayola marker from his pocket "I was drawing earlier duh!" "Tch! Move useless mortal, I need more sugar for this pot!" "Such a tease, my elder tsundere...Two or more can play at this game... "

Remember where Battler's hands were earlier? They 'accidentally' slide downward...Soon as Ronove attempted to walk off.

**EMERGENCY CONFERENCE!!!**

Ronove has gazillions of identical chibis of himself that runs inside of his mind; this meeting was based on two decisions: a) Push the teen away or b) GLOMP! (if you know the term _).

_ One Millisecond Later..._

_**End Result**_: a) 40% said "Don't Ronove!" c) 10% Undecided. b) 150% said-

"Shh, Battler, we have to be quiet," Ronove's mind decided screw it and go with Choice B. "Why should I, you won't even look at me! It's pretty awkward on my end you know!" Ronove fought the urge to roll his eyes as he turned around to face the red-head. "Well gee Battler, I really couldn't because you had your hands halfway down my pants."

"Oh. True that...Are we having a make-out scene now?"

"Good Lord, help a demon out! Yes we are Captain Obvious!" Ronove said sarcastically. "Hold on baby," Battler returned to his Civil War cookies for a moment, using a Michael Jackson shaped one. "Die you Southern bitches! Hee hee!" He was using Michaels famous moves and song outbursts, as Ronove stood shocked _///Did he just call me 'baby'?///._

_**~p(~q)~r(~p)~q(~r)p~**_

"Ahhhh! That doesn't go there~! Ah!" Beatrice moaned as Gaap blatantly used her powers to cheat in a game of Battleship. "NOOO! My Colonel Corporal Command Sergeant Major!" she screeched. "Beat, what the hell kind of rank is that?" She was cut off from noises in the kitchen. "Hey, what's goin' on in the-" Beatrice began.

"They must be having mansex." Gaap answered her friend casually.

"Oh."

_**~q(~(~p)) XD**_

"Our entire make-out scene just got cut? What the fuck!" Battler panted as he was tired of using censorship. "How is that possible, I felt it, but I didn't feel it!" He looked to Ronove, hoping it wasn't just his drunkenness. "Yeah, you're not that drunk yet," Ronove was also tired from...an imaginary make-out.

"Well that's certainly true!" Said a certain voice that certainly came from a certain nearby place. "That's because it is certainly 24:00! Happy Halloween!" The witch showed her form, and if she uses that word once more, I'll shoot myself... She had appeared quite some time ago, silently watching their carrying-ons. "Anyway, I am here to help! Me! Lambdadelta!"

:D :3 :D _** -Before we go, Battler has a few words...**_

A Battler Rant:

First of all, I didn't even get to feel the first taste of his lips to mine, I bet they were sweeter than the angelic food he creates. That kiss had to have been tender, knowing, and also naughty with the lust of a true demon. What's it called with the tongue... Russian kissing or somethin'...

**Third of all**_ {what happened to his second point_?}, one of those ass-chans took one of my Union soldiers I bet it was blonde Gluttony one.

And secondly, uhm. Where is that bottle? From earlier idiot! Don't look at meh like dat! Ohh, isthat frosting on that dumpling? XD_ {wtf the entire time, the thing he was talking to was the bottle of liquor...}_


	3. Trois: Onto the Horrible Halloween Trial

For this chapter, the red and blue truth will be used frequently. Red Truth= **bold and underlined**. Blue Truth= _italicized and underlined_. Get ready for a crossover!!! This has turned into a bit of a little epic, I never thought I would go this far! Thank you for those 20 real people reading this, and the other 195 imaginary people; you've been a great audience!

**Trois:** _Onto the Horrible Halloween Trial!!!_

_-It is now 24:00_

_*** _

"You both are speechless right? I, Lambdadelta caught you two right in the middle of a love session!" She mocked them mercilessly. For the occasion, she was dressed in a glamorous pop star outfit; it was pink and glittery, which suited her perfectly. "Like my outfit? I got it from an American music genius, like myself!" She stated proudly, yet in truth she didn't know a thing about the woman she got it from [*cough* Britney Spears *cough*].

"Lady Lambda-"Ronove began to try to explain for the protection of Battler. The witch interrupted dramatically, "You'll have a sweet and fair trial before a judge demon." You could tell she was lying. "I'll teleport you there right now!" Her eyes sparkled and traveled on to Battler, who was holding his head down. "Hey~! Listen when a witch speaks! We're leaving for the-" Battler stood at a determined attention and walked towards the double doors that led to the back room. "Battler!" Ronove called because this would mean deep sh*t for him later.

"Hmph, idiot, now I'm angry! Siesta Sisters!" The three bunnies appeared promptly. Their faces were red from embarrassment; against their will, Lambda dressed them as Playboy bunnies (so I'll leave the description to your imagination). "Attack that impudent human! Bring him right back to this spo~t!" The leader 00 saluted with precision. "With all due respect, hell to the f^ck no ma'am!" The witch grabbed the blonde bunny by the collar. "How dare you disobey my orders!?" 410 shook her teal colored hair. "Nyeh~! Nothing will work against his power level!" Lambda stopped shaking 00.

"45, what does your internal scouter say about his power level?"

**"Ma'am...I-It's OVER NINE THOUSAND!!!"**...Okay....

By this time, Battler came from the back room with his number one weapon: a full bottle of Irish Bailey's!!! "Y-You wouldn't dare bring that to my courtroom! I'll have you charged with misconduct!"The witch was amazed more than anything that he was still able to stand squarely; wasn't he drunk? Battler went to his original spot beside Ronove. "Using his blue sword, he told her_:"Well that's funny, in the court of hell, I would be declared innocent for underage drinking. Furthermore, you can't charge me during a trial on a totally different matter."_He took a swig of his creamy, caramel alcohol. _"Last of all, this bottle is now empty."_ He set it on the table with an angry *clunk*.

…H-He drunk that entire bottle…Wait, even if he drunk some of it in the back room, it should still be full! This fact twisted the witch's face with terror; that was humanly impossible! 410 chuckled and said, "Only available from Ushiromiya."But Lambda grinned. "Let's see if you're so smart in court!" An odd flash noise sounded, and then they were gone.

Just as they had left, the youngest of the Stakes of Purgatory, Asmodeus (I like calling her Lust) dressed as Sailor Moon appeared. "How dare she ruin my porn fix!? In the name of the moon--hey…" She stopped stomping her heel in desperation, obviously distracted. "Is that a Michael Jackson cookie?!? Cool~!"

_(a+bi)-(a-bi)_

"What do you think of this place!? Witches must exist for you to see such a magnificent sight!" Lambda was seated in a high balcony; the entire place itself looked like the inside of a magical cathedral, complete with pews (for the jury) and long Matlock-esque court benches. Battler replied with that does not prove that witches exist; she was testing him on old news. "_Furthermore, I am most definitely drunk_!" The way he used that blue sword, you couldn't really tell he was drunk.

On cue, flashes of golden butterflies erupted from nearly everywhere [it just seemed like that to Battler]! First, Ronove was attached to the far wall at the right, held in place by 00 and her golden binds. Beatrice appeared still in a sitting position engrossed in Battleship so much; she didn't notice she wasn't in her parlor. Gaap was trying to get her attention away from the game ("Damn, you, you sexy demon done gone and killed my Colonel Major Lieutenant Private!!!). Poor Virgilia formed beside them with a sick look on her face; and all of the family members (just for the hell of it) were neatly seated in pews behind the case area.

"Now that all of us are present, the prosecutor for this trial is," the pink-loving with paused for suspense. "Miles Edgeworth!" *_Gasp!!!*_ Well, if you do not know this man titled: 'Demon Prosecutor', he has icy silver-ish hair, and unforgiving grey eyes; perfect with his personality, menacing (and sexy ^_^). In fact, Battler knew who he was—and was having a massive fanboy moment.

"You're _The_ Miles Edgeworth?! Kyaaaa! Can I have your autograph!?" The redhead jumped out of his seat and grabbed onto the man's suit. "He~ey! Let go of me you moron! I'm here only for your trial!" The happy stars in Battler's eyes calmed down. "Yeah, I'll get it later okay?" He returned to his chair, shivering with excitement.

"As I was saying, (^_^') your defendant shall be Phoenix Wright." Lambda was a bit freaked out with the teen's 'moment'. With heavenly butterflies flowing out his form, there stood Battler's savior; a blue power suit set off with a red tie, and that crazy-ass hairdo that Battler attempted to copy, except black and pulled backwards. Battler was even worse than with Miles earlier. Without restraint, he practically flew from his seat into a bear hug. "YAAAY! My idol; thank you Capcom! Thank you! When you say your favorite line, can I join in!?" The teen snuggled his face into the overwhelmed man's chest. "S-Sure kid! I didn't know I had a fanbase…quite like you…" Ronove cleared his throat from across the room.

"Sorry to rain on your Gay Parade, but, I'm stuck to a wall here!!! Help?!" Yes, indeed he was; to prove the point, 00 even tightened her grip, allowing no room for Ronove to even breathe.

"Whoops!" They both said simultaneously.

"All arise!" Lambda said in a dignified manner. Everyone stood up. "Ushiromiya Battler and the demon Ronove are hereby accused of the dismemberment of the pure art of fan fiction!" This is when Beatrice stood up with the entire game board of Battleship in her hands. "Finally!"Gaap blurted. "I, Beatrice the Golden, shall side with the defense!" *_Dramatic Courtroom Gasp_*. "Interesting. In that case, I appoint Beatrice as carrier of the red sword for the defendant's side," Miles glared at his rival Phoenix with contempt. "And I direct Bernkastel as the red director for the prosecution!"

"At that time, the Witch of Miracles appeared with a shadow. *_Sigh_* "How dare you call me for this atrocity," She gave a weird smile. "Oh well, we'll have fun won't we?!?"

_(a+bi)_

**These rants are getting ridiculous, everyone is starting to get one!!!**

_**Lust's Rant: **_

_-What the hell is going on! I don't care if she is an elder witch! She can't come in this fragment and bully Ronove-sama and Battler-kun! Those two are my favorite pairing for shonen-ai/yaoi!_

_-I'm going down to that courtroom, with some evidence to help them. Greed (Mammon) would know; she is the key! But I have to plan this out thoroughly…_

_-How can Lady Lambda hate a man who makes cookies shaped like My Little Ponies?!?_


	4. Quatre: Battler's Cake Theory of Love!

Yes, I don't know why this continues either; some force is irresistibly pulling me to finish writing this in a flurry and I can't escape it! But yeah, anyway, I just felt like wasting a few lines before this boring trial!

**Quatre**: _Battler's Cake Theory of Love!! _

O_o

-_I'm not putting the time; you should know it by now you dipstick!_

"To make this tragedy even funner and cute, the two teams will have names! The debate is set up similar to Family Feud! Genius isn't it!?" Lambda did not realize that 'funner' is not in the dictionary. Everyone on Battler's side formed into a huddle. "Well Phoenix, I don't know you, but if Battler likes you—Battler, wait until _later _to smell his suit! As I was saying, let's side up for now," Beatrice said to their hired defense. "Thanks! I never thought hell could be so pleasant! Now our plan of action is to provide solid, or at least *possible* evidence of a relationship. The witch smiled craftily. "If you were an Ushiromiya, I'd have a lot of trouble on my hands!"

"Let's name our team: Team **LOVE!!**" Battler rang out unexpectedly.

"…Is Battler okay?" Phoenix asked concerned. "Yeah, just a _little_ tipsy," Beatrice replied.

~ -

"Edgeworth is it?" Bern the Wine-o had an Evil Kitteh smile on her face. She loved the look of raw determination and evil on Miles. "Lady Bernkastel I presume," he held out a hand, which she shook. "Let's call this team: Deadly Alliance." She laughed at this title. "No way! How about Team Meanies!?" They guffawed evilly and declared the name perfect. "Anyway," Miles began. "Our side is elevated to the advantage! We just simply state whether or not they've had relations, or if it has ever been attempted in any of the games! Then it is unethical for them to be together, since there is no sound reason!"

Internally, Bernkastel was impressed, but instead she asked, "So, you know that crazy-ass haired Wright over there?" But he was not paying attention. "_Right_ over where Bern?" He asked. "Oh, Wright over there." "The only person on my _right_ is you Bernkastel! No one else is here!"Both of them were agitated by now. Miles glared across the room. "I will get you Phoenix! In this court of hell, let's see how long a sexy angel will last!!!" Yeah… Someone has issues…_///That's who I was talking about Edgeworth, what a retard!!!/// _Wine-o thought in her mind.

_*Insert Dramatic Evil Note*_

For the longest time, maybe even before his demon life, Ronove had never been so depressed. The bunny leader beside him sympathized and empathized. "Ronove-sama, please forgive my rudeness. You're the one who could lose the most from this trial." "Why are you apologizing dear?" Ronove asked politely; she wouldn't have normally even if she was being controlled. "Because the same thing would have happened to me and…" She couldn't finish her sentence and her ears drooped downward. She was referring to 556. "You loved her didn't you Double-oh?" She nodded her head silently. "That is why your team must win for me at least." Suddenly, Gaap appeared by their side. "You betcha! Team LOVE has no choice but to win! This entire trial is so not cool!"

She scratched the young leader behind her sensitive ears. "Isn't that right Ron?" she winked. "Huh? Ye-Yes! They will win… Gaap is correct." He realized she was cheering both of them up. "Thank you Gaap-sama and you also Ronove-sama." That smile from her, was a hint at the promised certain miracle that will be granted soon.

~*~*~*~

The Witch of Certainty clapped her hands. "Time to begin! I do believe information was provided via your laptops—Battler? No, put your hand down; no bathroom breaks!" Indeed, research was available, not that there was much to find on the internet, and also Battler was watching YouTube. Behind her outstretched gloved arms, a score board appeared in a magnificent array of glitter. "Are you serious? We are so not playing like that!" Bernkastel said. But until that point, both teams were oblivious to the other's team name. And everyone laughed.

"Team Meanies?! The writers from Pokémon could come up with a better name!" Phoenix coughed up some of Lambdadelta's patented MagiK Glitter at Battler's comment [_it was from Pokémon..._]. "Oh yeah? Like Team LOVE is any better!? How gay **are** you guys?" Miles retorted. "Just as much as you are in that pink outfit! Oh, and Fredrick Douglass called; he wants his damn ruffles on your shirt back!" Phoenix was a cruel, cruel man.

"Order in the court! Both of your names suck, but because Bern is cute, her team goes first!" "Okay! Bernkastel, I'll start with the blue." Brace yourselves...

_"This 'hell' that we are in is currently a place in Japan; so it is not really hell at all, or 'Purgatory'. So this is definitely a set place."_ "Define 'set place' pink warrior," Beatrice ordered. Where were they getting at with this? _"By 'set place' I mean definably somewhere on Rokkenjima."_Lambda nodded," That is acceptable...Bern?" "Oh sorry. **Rokkenjima is in Japan**.** Battler is always found on Rokkenjima, and Ronove-sama is also only found on Rokkenjima.**" She-no, they both gave a little twisted smile. "_Meaning this evidence must be the truth!_" Miles finished for her.

???

"Hmm, I don't know about that so far, it is in blue, but I'm interested. Every word that comes from those cute lips-" "Are you talking about me, or Lady Bernkastel?" Mile asked confusedly. *Awkward silence*. "Well, in our information retrieval, I found a pairing popularity!"

In this court would that prove to be damning evidence?

_""OBJECTION!'_'" Phoenix paused after his signature outburst and pointing stance because Battler had chanted it at the same instance, which sort of shocked him. "What? You said I could do it with you!" Battler said innocently. "Yeah, I did! Miles," the defendant began. "_Rank does not matter if that is what you're pulling at. It doesn't matter if they ranked 12__th__, 27__th__, or 85__th__."_ His finger pointed to Wine-o, who specified doing do was rude. "_Lady Bernkastel, you should realize this as the Witch of Miracles_." _/That's right! As long as something is a possibility, it could happen! /_. Battler can still remember the rules of this game. Beatrice backed him up with the color of blood. **"Kinzo/Nanjo is a possibility!"**

All of the family members in the pews were soulless dolls, but at her call, life breathed into Nanjo and Kinzo. "Beatrice, I though you loved meeee?!" Kinzo was howling, and Nanjo came to his aide. "Kinzo-san, I'm here my sweet! Nothing will go wrong ever!" He puckered his lips and made weird kissy noises, only because Beatrice was trying to be funny. They returned to dolls as fast as they had come to life.

"Beatrice, refrain from vulgarity, we have children present," Lambda motioned to Maria's body. "Please continue," _"Now hold it! That pairing cannot be; it was polled at 0.0%!"_ Beatrice chuckled at the man who was losing his icy exterior. "Heh, you just don't get it do you? _Not everyone takes polls Edgeworth! For example, perhaps someone created a fiction involving those two in relations! There is definitely a picture..._" Phoenix had swooped in behind her, much to her delight! _/These guys are really taking this for themselves...What the hell? I though me and Ronove was supposed to be in on this? /_ They were the ones fighting, but at the same time being left out. He looked over to the man he admitted his love to. As he attempted to leave and walk over to him, rose petals sliced the air!

**"Yes, that would be true if we were on that game board!"** Silence.

So that meant everything is not true? No matter what red Beatrice uses, or what blue Phoenix may think of, it can't work! "_Allow me to explain. We are not on the game board of October the 4__th__ and 5__th__—it is clearly Halloween day. So if everything is possible for them to be together, on Rokkenjima, then a real relationship is a clear contradiction, Thus,_" Miles was eager to issue his requiem-

**"I really like cakes…"** Battler whispered. "Battler, how are you able to use the red?!" Phoenix questioned a bit shocked. Miles peered over to where his attention was fading. "How rude; even when you are about to lose you want to put up a fight, just give up now!" He shot a triumphant smile to Phoenix. "Can't win them all, huh? Looks like your drunken little friend over there won't even remember this in the morning." Before anyone else could have a word in--

"**I REALLY LIKE CAKES!!!"**

:DDDDDDDDD:

_A little talk with the side characters…_

Miles: Of all people, they had to hire *_this*_ guy as the defense? *_points to Phoenix_*

Phoenix: I resent that! Just why are you such a…a meanie?!

Miles: It's always fun to be the bad guy filled with animosity. We even have an evil laugh!

Phoenix: Just leave Battler and Ronove alone! He's a fanboy of you too! He loves us!

Miles: I love no one! *_Does an evil laugh_* **MWAHAHAHA!** *_cough_*

Phoenix: Even me? *_pout_*

Miles: *_Clearly not paying attention_* Yes, I am a cruel—wait a moment, what did you just ask?

Phoenix: Never mind, you never listen to a word I-

Miles: *_Still continuing from where he left off_*--Superior over your angelic, handsome and lovely face! Hah!

Phoenix: ???...!!!


	5. Cinq: Boringest Halloween Ever!

We're almost there, to the end that is! If my fingers would allow me to type, now that would be even better! But, this isn't the last chapter! So don't go running around saying "GWAAARGH!!!" Otay?

**Cinq:** _Boringest Halloween Ever!_

_(SFX: dreamendischarger)_

Lambda was nearly speechless. Sure, in the past, Battler was able to say "**I am Ushiromiya Battler,**" in red text. But it was for certain, one of the hidden rules of this trial was: **Ushiromiya Battler cannot use the red truth, on any matter! No one other than who is appointed shall be able to say one word in red!** Lambda was certain of this; she was not one to play word games.

"...Battler? How can you use the red truth; it's supposed to be impossible!?" All eyes turned to Beatrice.

"The hell?!? I didn't do this; don't even look at me, he used the divine power of **LOVE**!"This was not boding well with Team Meanies. "Bernkastel, what is with this **LOVE** crap? It's messing with our operation!" What if the teen could proclaim their relationship in red? Wine-o had a dismayed face. "The power of love...Witches can use it to break through any barrier! It is the ultimate defense and offense! So why?! How can a LOWLY human...!!!" She bit her bottom lip in a nervous fit.

"**I never told anyone, but the simple smell of fresh sweets out of the oven...arouses me...**" The teen gave his best Cheshire 'kitteh' smile, his red truth staining the air. "**But that only happens when Ronove-sama cooks! He is the only one that does this to me!**" He kept walking towards where his lover was pinned down. "**I love Ronove-sama. Fanfiction is not ruined by us, nor can our relationship be disproven!**" (SFX: Those damn shattering glass noises that come randomly from out of nowhere!)

"Bullsh*t! We're not even on that playing board where you to can even *_possibly_* be together! I won't let this pairing exist!!!" That prosecutor was serious. "_You two are not in a relationship, never had relations, never ever, ANYTHING!_" His blue tantrum shook the court room. Too bad he didn't know that when dreamendischarger was playing, that mean Battler was really going to hit home with his theories! [_Except about the small bomb parts in a certain *cough* game, he pulled that one out of his a$$!_]. "_How would you know that Edgeworth? You haven't watched them 24/7 have you? How *gay* are you!?_" Beatrice asked doing her famous cackle along with Phoenix.

Silently, 00's bonds on Ronove broke as Battler shook them from the demon's body. "Whoops!" The blonde bunny smiled, feeling an epic win coming on. She put her arms up in the air, feigning distress."Endless Nine: There's nothing I can do!" So, to prove Miles' theory wrong, Ronove took Battler into his arms, levitated into the air, and ballroom danced into the middle of the courtroom! "**My turn. I Ronove, the 27th ranked demon of Hell is Battler's—lover!**"

At those magical words, some unknown source of glass shattered, and glitter rained everywhere [_Phoenix made sure to get out of the way this time_]! "Just great, this wasn't Family Feud style at all! Since Beatrice is the official representative for Team LOVE, all of you come forth and center. Team Meanies, this is also the time for you to stake a final claim; so Bern, pleases come as well." Lambda was hungry now; it was about time to wrap this thing all up.

"This is impossible; I can't lose to Wright!" Miles bellowed.

"OBJECTION! Anything is possible!" Battler and Phoenix rang out simultaneously. "No one will know anything of this Miles," the angelic attorney told Edgeworth politely. He always considered the man a "frei-nemy".

"Team Meanies, state your case please."

"*Sigh* you know what? I believe Battler and Ronove passed the test. I say we all just go eat sushi or something..."This entire time, it was The Witch of Miracles they were trying to prove their case to, not Lambda!? "I thought I'd never see such a miracle in fanfiction in my life again... I accept them. **Earlier, which was technically last night, I was the one who censored out your make-out session.**"Red truth can be cruel, but she admitted this with a face like Rika. "That was you!? I thought Lambda did that," Battler exclaimed. Almost apologetically, she turned to the Golden Witch "Beatrice, you no longer have to explain in red—stop playing Battleship!!!"

Beatrice was only paying attention to her game board.

"**This is the most BORINGEST Halloween ever!!!**" She grumbled in red.


	6. Terminale: End Result of Crack!

Hmmm, I wonder if this is the last chapter. Maybe I should make an extra story for what happens on Halloween day!? We shall see. One thing is certain: this is not the end of RonovexBattlerxRonove! There is not enough material on these two, especially my gangsta cookie dude, Ronove! The title is based on a fan video I made (_not that you asked; I'm just saying! Lolz..._)

**Terminale:** _The End Result of Crack!_

_After Beatrice's last statement: It is now 00:01, Halloween Day._

"For this Hidden Kakera, I yadda yadda... sanction you two to date!" Lambdadelta said finally. The two floating above looked cautiously over to Wine-o."What? Oh! Go right ahead!" She was into a bottle of Irish Bailey's [_please don't ask how she got it; it's Wine-o we're talking about!_]. No longer would she cause them trouble. That's when a retarded burst of energy erupted at the doors to the court.

It was Sailor Lust [_err...Asmodeus!_] coming to rescue the day!

"Asmodeus-chan, what are you doing?" Ronove asked concerned, because he never saw that look on anyone's face since Satan first started to **PMS** [ _ironically, Satan was currently eating a Civil war cookie in the kitchen at this moment; the first day of her cycle actually caused the same war in America_]. "Is that my laptop!? How are you kids always sneaking into my room!?" _///This chick is going to get all of us __**busted**__!!!///_ Battler thought, because everyone sneaks into Ronove's room for one reason or another.

Tactfully ignoring the question, she pointed a Hercule-like accusation finger at Lambdadelta. "You will not get away with this! You witches will not stop my fan fiction!" She stepped to the front of the room, laptop still in tow. "You guys want proof of their relationship? I have all of the evidence you will ever need, right here on this computer!!!"

"Shut the hell up; I needs to find away to protect my-" Beatrice was cut off by Gaap. "Beat, if you say one more outrageous rank, I swear I will pistol whip the hell out of you!" "...I wanted to play that _'Scene It?'_ game anyway!" She disappeared with a breath, Gaap following behind her.

"Asmo-chan, it's alright! We can be-" Battler was cut off this time as well, accept by Lust.

"**IN DIS HERE KUMPUTEEERRRR!!!** They're gonna bring you _**DOWWN!!!**_"

"Oh no," Lambda said.

"Oh no!" Bern gasped.

"Oh no!!!" Phoenix repeated.

"**OH JYEAH!!!**" Miles busted out loud, and at the same time, Kool-Aid man came in through the court and pimp-slapped the man. "That was _**MY**_ line b*tch!"

*_slam_*

You read that correctly. Sailor Lust slammed the computer on the ground, amazingly looking down at the pieces as if they really showed everyone the information.

"Where did all the files go?" The girl asked to nobody in particular.

Lucifer silently walked in behind her, placing an understanding hand on her shoulder. "Yeah, you fucked up; Mammon told you the information is in the computer." Oh. She did not know that by _'in the computer_' the girl had told her to _**'turn it on'**_. "Shoot!" She said without concern that it was broken.

"M-my laptop! Why in golden _hell_ did you do that!?" Ronove was shocked more than anything, how can the Seven Stakes be so smart together and so dumb apart!? "I only wanted to help... I'll fix it right away Ronove-sama!" She did a 'retarted' salute and all fragments of the computer and her Sailor Moon cosplay disappeared.

"Well, that wasn't so bad... As you were..." Lambda said after about a minute. Ronove wasn't worried as much as everyone had thought, or at least he didn't show it. He was the very composed type after all. "Battler?" The demon asked softly. Battler turned around to face him guiltily. "Yes, Ronove-sama?" "Let's please get the hell out of here before someone else does something ridiculously retard—... I always speak too soon..." He really had at the time he dispersed the fragments of his own and Battler's body... This is what was going on:

Kool-Aid man and Miles were in a fight to the death, while Bern attempted to use some of the spilling Kool-Aid as a chaser, again I implore you don't ask, but she had switched from Irish Bailey's to a bottle of Seagram's Gin [_for non-alcoholics, that's the juice you put in the drink... Jeez, listen to Snooper Dogg for once_]. During which, Phoenix [_He was either stung out on Lambda's glitter, or had a shot of Wine-o's drink_] was happily yelling: "_**WHOOOO**_! Take it OFFF! Take it _**ALL OFF**_~!" as Miles was losing some clothes in the process. "Sho-ryu-ken!!!" Miles yelled suddenly. He won his boxing match with a direct hit! Thus, Kool-Aid man was knocked out, and disappeared.

"How the hell... Well never mind..." Lambda was about to ask herself. "I love Halloween!"

_**~*~*~*~ **_

_In the Golden Kitchen…_

"Th-thank you Beelzebub-chan, I'm forever in your debt!" Whilst they were away, Gluttony had taken care of all the dishes that would surely have burned if not for her kindness. "I live to eat, and to let food spoil is the ultimate sin. Do not thank me Ronove-sama," She replied seriously, but when he turned to check for Beatrice in the living room, she winked to Battler. "Don't tell him I ate a good deal of it!" She whispered. "You got it! Just coach Asmo-chan on not letting on that we can break into his room!" They made a deal on it. Gaap walked in with an estatic look on her face. "Good show Battler huh Battler!?" Battler nodded with a smile; but something bothered him about the witches' behavior; that trial was too easy…

In the living room, Beatrice was sitting in her favorite Easy boy [_I did not know she had a recliner either_] still drinking away. "Milady… Thank you so much for tonight…" Ronove bowed. "Stop calling me that… Old friend. I'm happy you and Battler are happy okay!" She grinned, showing her teeth, but her eyes showed different. "You do not fool me—what is bothering you?" Beatrice just smiled more. "You can stop bowing now! You're gonna need it for later on tonigh~t!!!" Such a dirty woman! "Yes, Milady…" Ronove turned to leave. "And, Ronove?"

"Yes?" "Nothing… Umm, remember to use—"Ronove had shut the door.

"--Protection…" Beatrice continued anyway. He knew what she was going to say.

"Battler will need him for now own. In this Kakera, I will protect their will, until I fade."

Beatrice sipped on her Irish Bailey's, and on cue, Gaap appeared in the room. "I think you've had enough of that sh*t! Gimme dat bottle!" Gaap wanted to protect her friend from further retardation so she took the bottle and the cup. Beatrice pouted. "Riiche, I love you, but that is enough. The alcohol vanished with a *poof*." Beatrice's face lightened. "You looove me Gaap? Hohoho…" the Golden laughed even further when the demon began to turn red. "Be-Beatrice! Stop it! You're so mean_…" ///She barely says anyone's full name…///_. "Gaap, c'mere." Beatrice had a shady look in her blue eyes.

"Huh!? Gyahh—"Gaap was pulled off of her feet and into Beatrice's lap. The witch pulled her face her in close by the fingertips. "Then you wouldn't mind if we shared a sisterly kiss then, right?" She did not wait for a reply…"Let's not play around anymore, okay? I want you to be close to me…" "Beatrice… You're serious?" Gaap wanted to truly believe her. The witch answered by giving the demon her first kiss since the century they first met…[_not including molesting Battler_ ^_^].

333333

It is incredible what can happen in just about an hour of so. Everyone was back to… Well not exactly normal, but an average state. Already Ronove and Battler were back in the kitchen together as they were: alone. Ronove fifnished looking in the pots [Virgilia had actually came to 'magically' cover the missing areas Gluttony had eaten]. "Phew!At least the cookies' spell didn't wear off!" Whatever the hell that was, at least it didn't start up the man's nerves. "Hey Battler…You've been quiet for a while…" Battler hadn't had his 'retarted' burst in a while. _//This calls for plan Z//_. Ronove removed the Barbie mitts and even his special butler-esque monocle. (Yea! Fan servie!)

Battler's suspicion had grown which sobered him about 10% (out of 9999% of course). He didn't want this part of the story to shatter; can't there be a little happiness for him? Ronove peeked into his heart and felt this; he was still just a kid and he desereved a 'normaly happy' Halloween. "**There aren't any tricks in this Hidden Kakera, Battler. No traps, were in that trial. I do not know the motives of the witches, but they do not affect our relationship any longer.**" The color of love was not in his words alone. "Ronove-sama.." Battler felt tears that wasn't from anguish well into his eyes. And his demon lover embraced him, with a new love since the night before, and any pain either of them felt drifted.

"Shhh, we have to be quiet promise?" Ronove interlocked his right hand into Battler's left while running the other across the teens face.

"I promise, Ronove."

~*~*~ [_We all need fan service…_]~*~*~

_I could see my clouded reflection in his eyes as he pulled my body closer to his. We needed as much privacy as possible, so I shifted us to my bedroom. I catered to his raw lust; sending a trail of kisses along his jaw line. He rewarded me with a strained moan. _"Ronove, st-stop a moment. Do you hear…typing?" Ronove was not in the mood for any further mishaps. "Let's look around right quick then," Ronove pulled away form the teen bitterly while taking his black coat off. He didn't want it to get in the way when they were ready. Battler followed suit (I guess no pun intended) and took off his white jacket. Ronove sighed heavily, "Asmodeus-chan, get the hell from under the bed!" Sailor Lust crawled from underneath the black blanketed bed with Ronove's laptop. The gig was up! "I just wanted to right a damn fan fiction; how else would I be able to if I'm not-"

Ronove pushed her put of the room, and locked the door while yelling, "Get your own damn sexy person," {and end quote}. "_**Aww**_…" She moaned in disappointment…

"_Where were we, Battler?"'Right here,' he replied, wrapping onto me tightly. Those blue eyes… I kissed him heatedly on the lips, roaming my hands away from his small waist. I could feel his erec—_

"Oh, sorry! I left my marker in my pants again (:3)!"Battler whipped out his overly large blue Crayola and set it on a matching night stand. Ronove angrily face-palmed himself [_twice_].

_**I apologized to the demon.; my personal demon. He teased with my belt as I hid my face in his chest trying to control my breathing. The alcohol made me…sensitive to his touch. 'It's late Battler'…he told me.' And I only want to hold you, until later on this day'…"Touch me then, Ronove."I did not want this to stop altogether. Why was he hesitating?**__ Why __am__ I hesitating? I unzipped his pants… "Is it alright if I touch you?" He finally showed his blushed red face. 'Yeah—_

"I hear you typing Asmo-chan. Get the hell away from the door!" Ronove yelled suddenly, totally breaking the mood. And thus there were no more any interruptions for that evening because Lust finally gave up.

"**Ronove, can you rub me harder?" He was finally calm from after yelling at Asmo behind the door. And he was feeling me up through my boxers a little too softly. I needed more friction than this, I pulled him on top demanding. After eight hundred years of torment, he slipped through to my bare skin traveling his finger down my hardened length. It was about time, and I loved his weight on me… He was getting hard too…**

_About a little while later…_

"Battler, are you almost there?—Battler!? Hey what the _**hell**_?!?" Ronove shook the teen's body, but it had gone slack with a contented smile on his face. In his drunken stupor he had fallen asleep. Ronove sighed; he was just about to take the redhead's clothes off. Instead, he put the boy's member back in his boxer's and tucked him in the covers. "Maybe later on today…" Ronove sighed while he admired Battler's sleeping face.

"After all, he's gone through one hell of a Halloween Eve."

_And he'll need rest for Halloween Day…_

/*/*/*/*\*\*\*\

What are you still here for? That's right! Wait until Halloween Day. Yeah, I know it wasn't descriptive enough but… _**I BLAME MILES!!!**_ *_runs away_*

Miles: WTF?!?

Battler: You're the culprit!? How could you?! **ATTACK!!! **_*begin a fight of epic-ness*_

Ronove: *_Epic face-palms himself_* Retards…

Phoenix: _Sexy_ Retards… Miles I mean...

Ronove: O_o I hate Halloween!!!


End file.
